By Julie A. Fast
Last Updated: 9 Jan 2023
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Our brainoften goes “offline” during full-blown manic and psychotic episodes, which may affect our memory. These gaps can cause trouble in our relationships.
Memory Gaps & Mood Episodes
It’s hard for family members and partners to believe that a person with bipolar disorder can’t remember certain mood swings. I often hear the question, “Doesn’t my husband (partner, child, sibling) see the damage he did when he was manic?! Is he lying to me when he says he can’t remember? How is this possible?”
To answer this, I will start with a short explanation of the different types of bipolar disorder. Although we all share the same symptoms, the severity of the symptoms can vary greatly.
Bipolar Disorder & Psychosis
There are three main diagnoses of bipolar disorder: cyclothymia, bipolar II disorder, and bipolar I disorder. All share mania and depression. Cyclothymia means a person has milder episodes. Bipolar II means a person has full-on depression symptoms and a lower-level (though still very disruptive) form of mania called hypomania. Bipolar I has full-on depression with hypomania and full-blown mania.
People with bipolar I who have full-blown mania have a 70 percent chance of experiencing psychosis during a manic episode. This is the most important piece of information you need in order to answer the question about blackouts.
When a person is in a full-blown manic and psychotic episode, memory is greatly affected. In fact, it is rare for someone who is in a deep episode to remember all that happened. This is why it’s called a blackout.
The average person in this situation remembers maybe 50 percent, in my experience. They can remember the big details—such as, “I had an affair.” But if you press them for the specifics, it’s often a fog. In some cases, where the episode is super intense, all memories can be lost. This is especially true if substance abuse or other drugs that cause mania are involved.
Insight, or Awareness of Episodes
I have bipolar disorder two. I lived with long-lasting hypomanic episodes that completely wrecked my life when I was younger. Even though I had NO insight into what was happening when I was hypomanic, I do clearly remember my behaviors.In my experience, people with hypomania often remember everything.
What does this information mean for people who love someone or want to help someone with bipolar I? I teach a system in my books that we can all use in order to prevent mania, that has to be the first step. But what about those of you who have lived through a massive episode from the outside looking in?
You need answers and you need to be heard by the person who has the illness.
Here is a script you can use to talk to someone who doesn’t remember whathappened during a massive episode.
The Perspective of a Partner
Thank you for talking with me about your bipolar disorder. It means so much that you are willing to be open about what happened. I now understand that it’s normal for people in full-on manic and especially manic and psychotic episodes to forget what happened. I amlearning howbipolardisorder affects your brain.
I now need your help. I wasn’t sick when you were in this episode, so I remember everything. I need to process what happened and I need you to hear my side of things. We had two very different experiences. It’s almost a luxury that you can’t remember because, believe me, I’m having trouble forgetting what I went through and what our kids went through when you got sick.
I would like to share with you what I experienced. I know this might be really hard for you. I know you are embarrassed and unhappy and maybe even scared to hear it, but I believe that talking about it will greatly improve our relationship. We are a team and I need to share what I go through when you get sick.
This is a start. When we focus on our own needs in a nonjudgmental way, it’s easier for people with bipolar disorder to hear us. As you may know, I had a partner for ten years who has bipolar I. I wrote a book about our experiences: Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner. We lived with two people in a relationship with bipolar disorder and communicated extremely well using this technique.
Seeing both sides of a situation—such as understanding that a person who says they don’t remember an episode usually isn’t lying—can help you get through the stress of an episode. A person’s brainoften goes offline during these mania and psychotic episodes, and memory is affected. Teaching those of us with bipolar disorderthat you, as a person who doesn’t have bipolar, do remember what happened and do need to talk about itcreates an open relationship around this health condition.
I am always positive about relationships when a person has bipolar disorder. It is a very treatable condition.
Of course, you may care about someone who will not talk with you about what happened. If you focus on your needs, it gets easier to decide what you want to do for yourself.
- To learn more about mania and how it affects the brain, I highly recommend the excellent Bipolar Light videos from my friend and colleague Dr. Jay Carter.
- If you want to learn more about the bipolar disorder spectrum, I highly recommend the pioneering work of Dr. James Phelps at www.PsychEducation.org.
Julie
P.S. If you are a person with bipolar disorder who has trouble remembering what happens in an episode, the first step is to prevent these episodes by any means possible. Heck no, this isn’t easy, but it can be done.
Next, ask the people in your life to tell their side of the experience. This really helps. I live on both sides as a person with bipolar and a person who had a partner and has family members with bipolar disorder.
We need to work together to manage this illness.
Originally posted January 12, 2017
mania, manic episode, memory, symptoms
About the author
Julie A. Fast
Julie A. Fast is the author of the bestselling mental health books Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner, Getting It Done When You’re Depressed, OMG, That’s Me! (vol. 2), and The Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder. She is a longtime bp Magazine writer and the top blog contributor, with over 5 million blog views. Julie is also a researcher and educator who focuses on bipolar disorder prevention and ways to recognize mood swings from the beginning—before they go too far and take over a person’s life. She works as a parent and partner coach and regularly trains health care professionals, including psychiatric residents, pharmacists, general practitioners, therapists, and social workers, on bipolar disorder and psychotic disorder management. She has a Facebook group for parents, The Stable Table, and for partners, The Stable Bed. Julie is the recipient of the Mental Health America excellence in journalism award and was the original consultant for Claire Danes’s character on the TV show Homeland. Julie had the first bipolar disorder blog and was instrumental in teaching the world about bipolar disorder triggers, the importance of circadian rhythm sleep, and the physical signs of bipolar disorder, such as recognizing mania in the eyes. Julie lives with bipolar disorder, a psychotic disorder, anxiety, and ADD.
78 Comments
Braeden Bannister July 17, 2023 at 6:41 am
Reply
My boyfriend has bipolar 1 and I dont know if hes lying or not, but he had a whole other relationship for almost 2 months he says he remembers none of. Is it possible to remember nothing at all about this affair or is he lying about how much he remembers? I believe he may not remember things due to his episodes but not that he remembers absolutely nothing.
JMC February 7, 2023 at 6:10 pm
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My experience is that someone with Bipolar II can have hypomanic episodes with memory loss. For years & years, my husband could be very talkative in the afternoon and the next day had no memory of our conversation and was puzzled when I followed up about a prior discussion. I’ve also had this experience over the years with my daughter, bipolar II, who has blocks of time, irritability, conversations, etc. when she was hypomanic.
Mike February 7, 2023 at 4:01 pm
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I usually read all the comments on these things, but this thread is really long.
So instead I’ll just add my name to the list of people on here who do remember their manic episodes. I’m diagnosed bipolar disorder 1 and have had a handful or so of episodes since my twenties. I’m 52 now.
But I do know a lot of people honestly don’t remember what they did while manic. I’m just one of the lucky ones who does, I guess.
Katie D. February 11, 2023 at 10:30 am
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Hi Mike. I can relate as I also have Bipolar 1 and we are the same age. I remember many overviews, as well as details, of my severe manic episodes. I also have people tell me things what I don’t recall and that can be very frightening. Sometimes I wish I didn’t remember all that I do since I have had some major episodes with severe psychosis. I hope things are going well for you now.
Bruce February 7, 2023 at 8:23 am
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I have Bipolar II, and remember every detail of my hypomanic (one was SEVERE) episodes. I would dearly love to forget them, but at least they remind me of why I work so hard to avoid another similar episode.
Mary C. February 7, 2023 at 12:54 pm
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I have memory gaps from my manic episodes and it can be very scary not to remember as well. I still remember certain things and the events and behavior that led to the episodes so I have been able to work on preventing any more.
Maryanne Linzer February 7, 2023 at 8:45 am
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Dear Julie,
I read all your articles and have for years. I’m a true fan and follower. I believe that this is one of your best work.
Your writing is becoming more honest and to the point. Kindly keep up the excellent work.
Maryanne Linzer
Margaret February 7, 2023 at 7:58 am
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Julie, I have been following you for years as a mother of a 28 year old son with Bipolar 1 and a daughter of a 26 year old daughter with Bipolar 2. Both are in recovery, but this article was something I never knew. I am grateful that you shared it. I also facilitate support groups for loved ones of people living with mental illness. This script will be so helpful. I cannot tell you how many folks I have recommended your books to and BPHope. Thank you.
Robin February 7, 2023 at 11:25 am
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I have bipolar I in remission now for 10 years or more. Were not for the copious notes and manic writings during my episodes I would have no memory of anything. Some of the things I wrote are just scribble. My thoughts were going so fast. But I do remember the bulk of what happened just because I kept some of the papers. My doctor suggested I’ve bin them. But for my sake I just decided to keep them. I think I have them somewhere?
Yamileth Camacho December 14, 2023 at 11:34 am
Mi esposo tiene manía bipolar y le dió su 1er crisis hace un mes, fue terrible para mi porque no sabía y no entendía porque actuaba así, pero leyendo estos comentarios ayuda mucho y también leyendo mucho sobre este tema. Gracias!
Cadence August 1, 2023 at 7:22 pm
My (now ex) boyfriend is in a severe manic episode with psychosis right now, which was likely brought on (and definitely intensified) by drug use. We broke up very suddenly, and at the time I did not realize he was manic. For about a month before the breakup, he didn’t seem to be sleeping very much. He was spending frivolously, which is unlike him. Talking a lot, and very fast. More social. He also acted out in ways or said things that were very rude, even delusional. There was an evident shift in his thinking, but he was still acting relatively “normal”. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that he started exhibiting paranoid delusions and full-blown, impossible-to-hide manic symptoms. I’m in a really tough spot because I’m unclear as to whether breaking up with me is going to be something he regrets – or even remembers – when this episode finally ends. Especially because when he broke up with me, the psychotic symptoms (and worst of the drug use) weren’t really prevalent yet. I don’t know what to expect. It’s been 3.5 months already, and his behaviour became extremely dangerous to himself and others. He went to detox, and is trying to get into treatment, but I’m concerned he needs to go to the psych ward. He’s cut all communication with me. I feel like I’m in limbo.
Michelle February 10, 2023 at 5:43 am
I try to write as much down as I can when I am more aware the last few days. Because I know withing a week I will forget 75% everything that has happened the past 2- 3 months that I was in a manic episode. It is very automatic type writing; often no punctuation and just writing everything I’m thinking (which is a lot). The racing thoughts come so fast that later when i try to read what I wrotebi will a pages with nothing but unintelligible scribble. I’m glad I’m not the only person who does this.
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